[QUOTE=wildflowerchild25;3938730]I completely relate. My brain did the same to me in my last depression. But they are lies. Vicious lies.

I know you think you can't go inpatient right now and I am unlikely to change your mind. Do you have an IOP or partial hospital program around you? They could help get your meds stabilized faster. You could still be home at night.

I always do the same thing when I am suffering. I refuse to go Inpatient until something terrible happens. I don't want anything terrible to happen to you. You think inpatient would screw everything up but I think being dead would screw A more. But I know I can't convince you.

Stay safe. They are lies. Don't believe them.[/QUOTE

I hear you guys and I know you're right but at the same time I know I'll leave the hospital planning to still do it. It is usually only a week to a week and a half stay for me where I live. You leave as quickly as you go in. Not much happens except twiddling your fingers while still anguishing and wishing that there was a way out. It just isn't worth it unless I am at the very end. I've done partials a couple of times too but they are still very hard to work around our schedule. I told my husband it would be easier for him to make permanent changes than partial ones. I honestly feel pitiful right now.