I don't know how to word this, just that I've never felt as low as this ever. I have BPD and had a bit of psychosis which I was given antipsychotics but they made me depressed as did the contraceptive pill. So I've come off both and now have major depression. I started venlafaxine yesterday but aside from side effects I still feel like crap. I just wanna die. I can't face today. I have 4 kids and I can't even get out of bed right now to get the youngest one up. He's 18 months. My partner has had to leave me and go to work as he has had too many days off. He is in trouble with work because of me. I'm dragging him down. I hate him for leaving me when I need him most and can't cope but I also realise he has to go bit I'm so alone. So depressed. I need him. I have no one. I don't know how I'm going to get through the day. I just want to die, don't want to be here. I can't look after the kids. I'm a really bad mum.