This will, as usual, be long...

I have a miniature schnauzer, almost 5yrs old. I saw this dog being born - my best friend has his mother, and he gave me the puppy a couple weeks after he was born.
At the time, this dog was my salvation. I was in a very dark place in life, extremely depressed and having suicidal thoughts. I had been forced to move out of my city and away from all my friends and loved ones. There was a time this dog ate better than I did, because I was so depressed, I wouldn't. I threw my entire being to taking care of this dog and raising him right. I taught him to go outside, so he's very well potty-trained. He scratches at the door when he needs to go, and he waits for as long as he needs to, instead of going inside. I taught him tricks, such as sit, paw, lay down, roll over. I spent thousands of dollars in the past five years to make sure he's going to the vet, getting check-ups, and overall in great health.

My obsessive behavior with taking care of my dog stems from my childhood. I had dogs growing up, but my parental figures were extremely irresponsible with them. The dogs never got walked. They peed and pooped all over the house. They were very rarely taken to the vet, and only if there was an emergency (they ate rat poison once). They were never given baths. They didn't even have fleas, they had ticks. Never treated. We had one cocker spaniel and two poodles. The spaniel was confined to staying outside in the pool area, which was NEVER cleaned. The poodles stayed inside. These dogs, I don't think they saw the outside of the house more than twice in their entire lives.

When I grew older enough to realize, on my own, how messed up that situation was, and how selfish and irresponsible my parental figures were, I never wanted to be that way. I was also very emotionally needy, and my dog filled that void for me. I did the best I could, researching and reading books on my own, not having been taught any responsibility growing up.
My dog grew up to be EXTREMELY attached to me. I gave him so much love, so much attention, that I suppose he grew so used to it, that he developed separation anxiety. I crate-trained him because I couldn't leave him alone and free in the house, he'd destroy everything. But when I'm here, he's the calmest dog ever. When I'm here, he NEEDS to be with me - laying next to me, touching me, or laying on TOP of me.
He is also a barker - he barks a lot, and loudly. I tried everything I could to train him to stop, but I suppose I'm not a professional, I did only the best I could. I took him to training classes and even the trainer was unable to train him to stop barking.

Well, then enters my boyfriend. In the beginning of our relationship, it was great. My boyfriend loves animals. He'd play with my dog and they'd have a lot of fun together for a long time. I would only say something if they played too rough and my dog yelped.
Eventually we started living together, and it was still fine. But slowly, my boyfriend started taking upon himself the responsibility to "train" my dog to what HE thought my dog should be. He started feeling really bothered by my dog's neediness to be with me all the time. He said it was unhealthy and we needed to not be so close anymore.
I respected my boyfriend's wishes and stopped sleeping with my dog on the bed. I trained my dog, successfully, to sleep on his own bed, but it had to be right next to my bed, on my side.
But it wasn't enough, you know?

Slowly my boyfriend stopped playing my with dog. He would get upset if my dog wanted to sit or lay down next to me. My dog also likes to follow me around the house, wherever I go. Sometimes he gets in the way and we end up accidentally kicking or stepping on him. My boyfriend would get mad at that, and try to kick my dog away. He started trying to keep my dog away from me whenever we were just sitting in the living room, playing video games or something. He'd push him to the dining room and keep him there, away from me.
Whenever kept away from us, my dog would just lay and stare at us. This also really bothered my boyfriend. So my boyfriend started grabbing my dog and forcing him to look at a wall instead. This really hurt me, because I don't like seeing my dog lay there staring at a wall.

All of this "training", he took it upon himself, without being asked. I never saw anything wrong with my dog or my relationship with my dog, but I let him and tried to help him because I thought that's what would make him happy. I thought to myself, if he sees a problem, we can both work together to try to fix it.
But it wasn't enough.

I told my boyfriend my childhood history and my history with my dog. I tried being really open with him, and I told him I did the best I could to train my dog. I'm sorry I wasn't perfect and my dog still ended up with problems. He says he understands this, but he doesn't show it, because he still treats this situation like I don't know how to train my dog.
He's told me he thinks my dog is weak and whiny and clingy. He's told me there are a lot of things about my dog he STRONGLY dislikes.
We started having more and more arguments about my dog. Sometimes he would hit my dog and make him yelp. I would go ballistic. Imagine your partner hitting your child? How would you feel?
I am extremely protective over my dog and my dog is very protective of me too. Whenever my boyfriend would try playing around with me, my dog would be right up on us, barking and either trying to be part of the fun, or trying to "defend" me. This would make my boyfriend really mad.

We started having problems sexually, and my boyfriend told me it was because he was depressed - and the two main reasons he was depressed, he told me, was 1. because we couldn't communicate, and 2. because of the situation with my dog.

Nowadays, my boyfriend walks around the house acting as if the dog isn't even there. He doesn't play with him, doesn't walk him anymore, doesn't give him any attention. He acts like he hates the dog.

We've had so many talks about this. He says he doesn't dislike my dog, he dislikes things ABOUT my dog. But I don't see a difference?
I agreed that there's a lot I need to work on and improve. I get that my dog has separation anxiety, and that he's loud, and clingy, and needy. I also get that my dog gets bored and needs to find a way to entertain himself, instead of relying on us all the time. I want to work on those things.
But it's either one extreme or the other with my boyfriend. When he took it upon himself to "train" my dog, it had to be HIS way, and if it wasn't HIS way, he'd get really mad - and depressed as a result. But when I told him I'd like to try training him a different way (one that doesn't involve hitting the dog or making the dog stare at walls, maybe), he went completely hands-off, told me it was solely MY responsibility, and started ignoring the dog is even there.

I don't know what else to do, because this situation is so extremely frustrating, I feel like my boyfriend doesn't have a good hold of his own feelings, and I don't know how to make him see what he's doing wrong.