I guess it's a fine line. You can't spend your whole life fearing for the future and waste your present moments with worry. On the other hand, you'd be silly to have this illness and not put any thought or planning into your future. I feel like I'm basically in mourning for my life. (I knew I was sick but I just thought I kept getting depressed and I hadn't found the right antidepressant) I've been in denial about my manic times (I still struggle to believe that I could be too happy) and now I am pretty firmly stuck in anger. This just downright sucks. Then there's the fear. I'm quite scarred by my last depressive episode which essentially went on for two years. I thought I was being tortured inside my own head. Later, I legitimately thought I'd died and had ended up in hell. The thought of returning to that fills me with so much dread and sadness. My dreams are now of boring, predictable moods haha...