i feel a weird nervous kind of sadness whatever i do. im not sure if it's my disorder (borderline), if i miss someone, if im just confused about if i love that person or not, if it's my medication or anything. but i barely have any sleep in the nights. when i think about that person i want to keep myself awake, because i WANT to think about everything we've done and i want to remember it. i force myself to remember it. but i don't get that fluffy feeling like before which makes me fall asleep, which makes me happy. i don't know what it is, or what i can do about it. i don't want to move on.. i don't know why. but i keep thinking: "yeah, it could be the same with anyone else" which makes me very confused. hes from the internet, which makes it even more weird. i've never seen him before so i think im making myself think i love him. i really want to love someone, i've had that since my 13th year, but i want to love him. not someone else. i can't talk to him anymore and i don't want to because i feel sad then. i don't know what to do, because i actually want to but i don't want to feel sad.