How are you doing today?
I know one step along the way for me has been to write an honest list of everything I get out of si. I have not yet figured out how to get those needs met in other ways, but it had given my therapist and myself a jumping off point for figuring out how to tackle it.
You Han mentioned wanting to be still. It's there any way you can get your mind to slow down some? Does nature help? When I am trying to slow things down, I seek out water (of any kind, though large, natural bodies of water help more than say the fish tank on my desk, but both help). I will sit and watch the water, or watch my fish. It's something that I have found can slow my thoughts down because I'm paying attention to the water. Sometimes that doesn't work though, so I have to try other things. Can you think of anything that helps you relax? Maybe something you can do with your bf? I know you mentioned wanting to talk about things also. Can you talk about it here, or maybe with a crisis line (in the us, the boystown line I've found is pretty good about listening to me talk about my struggles with si), then go spend time with your bf? That way you get the opportunity not to feel alone with the si, but you also get to not feel physically alone. Do you have a therapist? It may be a good idea to think of setting someone professionally if you do not already...
hope today is going better for you, and how you are able to find that connection and stillness you ere looking for.