I'm sorry you are struggling so much right now.
I can relate to the market just delaying the inevitable. Sometimes it has helped, other times it just triggered the need to see blood. I've found when that happens, I can sometimes trick my head into thinking I have hurt myself with some "special effects". I've gotten some of the clear corn syrup and added a bunch of red food coloring. I put it into a Ziploc bag, and I squish at it... one time I squished too hard by accident and it burst. Then I had a scene from Dexter going on, but it helped with the need to see blood... I would suggest letting your h know if you choose to use it, as it can be scary to see if you don't know what it is.
Hope today is better for you.