Sounds like your troubled, in psychotic phase. Don't hurt yourself or anyone else. Remind yourself of the beautiful, nice things and people there are in the world. Its not all black. You are worthy person. Its difficult to see positivity though I know when in severe depressive episode. But you have inner strength and courage like me to get through the difficult times. I have been there numeours times feeling like not carrying on with life, having intense dark thoughts and feelings and high anxiety too and despair. But I haven't given up completely in spite of everything.