had a really tough day...failed to do the one thing my brother asked of me for his birthday and even forced myself to do it when i desperately didn't want to. to top it off now i feel incompetent on top of everything else. been fighting urges and thoughts of cutting lately. ashamed to say that i gave into it and did self harm after so many years of giving that obsession up. i really think that everything would just be better off without me...