Hi TJ, it's certainly been sounding like you're a lot more in control of the self harm, and getting a lot nearer needing it less, and less...........and you are building up those coping resources. So although I'm absolutely not encouraging you to self harm........well if it does happen (which you're right it might) then I don't think you have to think any the less of yourself for it, or see it as a failure.
It's more about keeping going, and keeping trying to move forward. And you've certainly been doing really well at that!!
And when the depressive thoughts come I'd say you've been doing a lot better in riding them out. Work in progress, hey?
And.......endeavoring to utilize what support there is..........going to hold you to that you know!! But really good you're trying to take that approach.
So maybe worth focusing on the positives you've got going for you/how far you've actually come as well? Because that has been really impressive!!!

Alison