New here... Things came to a head today and I really was suffering. The only relief I felt was knowing I could end it all if I wanted to. I laid in a some what catatonic state for about 2 hours feeling out of body, numb, giddy at the thought of death. Like a cool wave it washed over me, knowing I don't always have to be in this much pain. I've been to IP three times but that was for AN . This is different , my food isn't suffering but I am unable to work or do basic duties. I am more manic and low then I ever have been. I don't want to do something during a low that I could regret or seriously harm/kill myself. I am on some meds but I don't think they are helping. There is very little treatment options around me, and being a year out of IP I don't want to go back again. Any auggestions? I'm going to try and see my pdoc next week if possible. I need to get through the weekend of work,
Some how. I am moving soon and can't loose my job .