his death triggered me a lot also. It was almost as if the concept of someone I respected following through gave me permission and validation. It can be really difficult. I don;t know abotu you, but he was my all-time fav comedian as well as a well-respected individual. I liked him a lot... I grew up watching him and laughing with him. It's a really tough loss.
Is there maybe a national hotline available to you? I know the US has a national line you can call, and they will route you "to the closest center" but they have routed me clear across the country some of the time.
Do you have access to a professional for help with all of this? It's a huge deal turingin away from something that has been such a large part of your life till now. If nothing else, a hterapist could help support you through that shift (I had a similar one in high school and really wish I had someone to talk to about it, someone that was not involved in the faith and so bent on turning me back to it).
Glad writing helped a bit, but I would encourage you to seek out some real-life suppoert also. Good luck.