I have thought about posting this over the last day or so but I may get individuals mad and please understand that is not my intent at all. There may be some triggers here so please do not continue on if you feel unsafe. This is about Robin Williams but this is also about me and how I have been affected. When I first found out I was stunted, shocked, and very sad. I feel Mr. Williams brought a lot of joy to this world and was a kind person. He will be missed by many. I also was heartbroken that he didn't feel like he had any options left. I believe most of us have been there before. For me it has been an ongoing struggle a good part of my life especially the entire year of 2007.

I had a session with my therapist this week and we did talk most of the session about Robin Williams and what was going on in my head which was a lot. Here is the part that many of you may be upset about and again I am sorry if this happens but I feel I might not be the only one feeling this way. I guess in a way I feel guilty but I am trying not too because this is such a positive thing for me. Okay so here it goes... I wrote this a few days ago to my therapist. I sit here with tears in my eyes not exactly sure why, I know it has to do with Robin Williams. I think I am really realizing what something like this (suicide) could really do to those I love and it is quite overwhelming if that makes sense. I start to think about it and wonder how could I ever want to do that to those I love so much. Why did he have to do it (but then again I understand from were he was it is so dark there - darker then a pitch black night).
I am not trying to fight what I am feeling just going with this. Wish I had your shoulder right now. I guess I am getting a bit stronger because before his suicide I don't think I was looking at this from all these angles. My eyes are wide open and this really really hurts. I never believe I saw this so clearly before. I pray I never forget how this makes me feel right now.

Then yesterday I wrote this to my therapist... I have not felt like this in a very long time but today I actually feel like some weights have been lifted off my shoulders I would say a significant amount. I believe now it is time to stay the course as it were with medication, exercise, positive thinking, mediation, and to get back to some kind meaningful prayer life for myself. I actually feel pretty good but at the same time am cautious with this feeling. I guess we can say another Praise be to God, Amen...

So in conclusion this horrible suicide I believe truly has open my eyes to possibly to see from the other side family and friends as it were. And I never never want to do that to family and friends. I don't believe it is going to be easy to win this war on depression but I just may have won a little battle and that I am grateful for. Again I am sorry if I offended anyone and maybe there are a few of you out there that can relate to what I am feeling...