Moonkin, you wrote: I know I'm a bad person, I'm afraid this depression, this mental illness.

You are not a bad person -- that is your disease talking to you (just as mine talks to me with similar lies). We have to keep in mind that we do not think someone is bad who gets cancer, AIDs, etc. We also have to keep in mind that depression is a very serious illness that kills many of us through suicide. We have to keep guard, as much as we can, against this evil thoughts.

I'm not going to address the relationship thing, because I am decades older than you and I am so ineffective at them, that I can't imagine what I might have to offer.

(((((((((((((((((((Moonkin))))))))))))))))))