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One who shows signs of mental aberration is, inevitably, perhaps, but cruelly, shut off from familiar, thoughtless intercourse, partly excommunicated; his isolation is unwittingly proclaimed to him on every countenance by curiosity, indifference, aversion, or pity, and in so far as he is human enough to need free and equal communication and feel the lack of it, he suffers pain and loss of a kind and degree which others can only faintly imagine, and for the most part ignore. ~Charles Horton Cooley
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Welcome to the Community, MyLifeInColor. Your torment jumps off the page. I am so sorry.
I care. I hope you are or soon will be getting the help you need.
Please continue to post. I wish you well.