I think part of the issue is that you've deleted a substantive portion of your earlier, clarifying comments, so the discussion is not going to be as on target with so much info missing.

I wouldn't really call what you'd described prior and deleted memory, but... if it helps you to see it that way, I hope it is a healing process to work through it. My own extensive work in that area suggested such framing was inaccurate and ultimately unhelpful, but I understand how compelling the need is to have it validated.

You deleted the portion suggesting I continue posting among others, haha, so I'll opt out at this point.