:big exhalation of breath:

Ok, so had a big wobble about an hour back... well it had been building up over two hours but got to the point of si to distract myself from more intrusive thoughts.

Wife was in other room but I just felt unable (devoid) to speak... bit the bullet and wrote it all down... then called the crisis team. It was either that or act on impulse and I was getting into a confused state.

When I got through to somebody, I checked that I was on their books (they confirmed) and then said I'd be reading what I wrote as otherwise I wouldn't know where to start.

Read it all out and was starting to shake as I did so.

She asked me what I'd been doing for the last couple of hours and I mentioned that I'd been on the computer, listening to music, checking out this or that page etc. She advised that I needed to be more active, to break up the computer time with other short bursts of jobs as and if I had the energy for level of task depending on energy (from making a cup of tea... to just watching telly instead... or do some tidying)... anything to distract the thoughts that will increase if I'm just doing one thing.

Wasn't sure if it was sound advice... but that I was being given advice and being talked to as a human being was nice. Once the call was over, layed on the bed (where I made the call from) for five minutes... looked down our cluttered corridor and decided to just do a 15 minute burst of relocating said clutter to somewhere that was safer for the wife (she is on crutches at the moment).

Wife called up to check on me and I just replied 'I'm fine, busy... will be back down in a bit'. Baring in mind all of this clutter was hers, I thought it best not to mention what I was doing till it was done.

Stairway and corridor is no longer a deathtrap for my three legged wonder woman... came back downstairs and forewarned her that on going up stairs she was going to react to '1 of, 2 of, all 3 of' 3 things: 'wtf'/'oh wow, great'/'where the hell is everything' (in spare room)

It did distract me... just don't know if I'm going to have the energy, will, motivation, activity at hand, or memory to do so next time I start to plummet.