Like many people here, I feel stuck. I hate myself, my job, my loneliness. And while I hate depression in how it lies to you and convinces you that there is no hope, what I really hate is those times when you feel fine. When it seems laughable that you could have ever felt so miserable. But even then, there is always the knowledge that it could come back at any time. And inevitably it does. And then you feel better. And then you feel horrible. Over and over again. I am so TIRED of this. (And I know there are others that have suffered with this for far longer than I have. I really don't know how you have done it.) I cannot begin to explain how angry it makes me that I have to go through this again and again. I just want it to stop.

Is this is it? Is this what life is going to be - an endless cycle of feeling horrible and feeling better? I think I hate the times when I feel better even more than the times I am depressed. Nothing is worse than feeling fine and then lapsing back into hell. Maybe I am not meant to be happy. Maybe I should just resign myself to this. I am not suicidal, just angry. Does anyone else feel the same way?