What is your custody arrangement? Can you make arrangements for your daughter to be interviewed and assessed by a child psychologist who has experience working with sexual issues? Someone with excellent credentials.

I don't know why this is happening at your wife's house, maybe because she can get away with it there. However, I'm pretty sure that if my step-daughter had been making such videos when she was 11 that I would not show them to her father. I would tell him about them. I wouldn't hide anything from him, but dad should not be watching his daughter act out in this way. It's not good for you and not good for your daughter.

However, the psychologist could view the videos and give you a judgment if this was sexual acting out that one needs to worry about or if it was some sort of age-appropriate curiosity and play. In past generations, many young girls did this sort of thing in the privacy of their room, without any video evidence of the squeezing of the chest together in an attempt to make cleavage. Girls dance and wiggle and look at their developing figures. Much of that is completely normal. The addition of video changes these innocent activities into something else.

With streaming of hard R rated movies and cable TV shows, YouTube and all the nearly naked selfies being posted by celebrities, 11 year olds today are being exposed to things that we didn't see until a much older age. I used to gyrate like a go-go dancer in front of the mirror in my room because that's what I saw on TV. Never had the nerve to do it at an actual dance. So ... if your daughter is dancing like a stripper, where is she seeing images of strippers and can that be changed? I mean, sweet Katy Perry and formerly sweet Miley Cyrus and wildly popular Beyonce can be highly sexualized influences on young girls without it meaning the young girl is being abused.

We just don't want our 11 year olds to act like that. It's hard for adults to even know what's normal for kids these days.

I really strong suggestly you start looking around for an experienced child psychologist to guide you through this, just to make sure. You can probably get a referral from her pediatrician or even your primary care provider.

Please do whatever you can to prevent your daughter from posting any of those videos on-line or sending them to friends. It will cause no end of trouble if she crosses that line. At age 11, impulse control isn't great. She might send a video to her BFF thinking it's perfectly safe. Then she and BFF have a pre-teen tiff and her video is sent all over.

if your custody agreement allows you decision making powers, I'd take the devices away. If she needs a phone so you'll feel safe, get her a cheap phone that makes calls and texts and does nothing else. She'll hate it, but she'll hate being bullied even worse if one of her videos gets out and goes viral in her social group. She really has abused her right to a phone that creates pictures and videos. It may be time for some tough love while you're looking for a psychologist.

You and you wife will have to cooperate on this and it may mean some calm, non-accusatory discussion, with the only topic being what's best for your daughter.

I wish you the best of luck.