WARNING: Long post ... patience required

So, there's this woman I've known for a few months now. I like her a lot ... she's attractive, very intelligent, and very health-conscious (like me), and she seems to have a good heart. We started off as "friends", and then one late evening, she was over at my place and the mood felt perfect for me to tell her that I liked her, and we made out and she spent the night at my place.

She's a single mom of an adorable 8 yr old, and she's a decade older than me (I only date older women). Also, she lives an hour away from me. The child spends every other weekend with her dad, and that is the only time I can ***potentially*** see her ... doesn't mean I actually get to.

Despite this already challenging setup, she only seems to be willing to spend a few hours with me on the Fridays she drops her kid off. She comes over, spends the night, and then leaves FIRST THING Sat morning ... no chillin in bed, no lovemaking, no breakfast, no explanation as to why she has to leave so suddenly and right after she wakes up. So, I've never gotten to spend even one whole weekend with her.

Also, to this day, she has not given me ONE SINGLE COMPLIMENT ABOUT ANYTHING. That's a bit strange. I sense no affection, no emotion, no passion from her. I'm almost certain that she's just being overprotective of herself because of past relationships.

I'm conveniently located halfway between the ex (her kid's dad) and her (2 hour drive), so I can't help feeling like I'm her Friday evening rest stop (she has mentioned that she finds that 2 hour drive from her ex's place very tiring). So, I feel like I'm being used.

One time, I told her the exact words (on messenger): "I miss you". She replied with "I miss my pillow". Every time I bring up "Let's go camping" or "Let's do a road trip", she says ok and then changes the subject 10 seconds later, and our "plans" never materialize. I feel like a complete jackass for showing interest in doing something with her.

I want to tell her how I feel, but every time I bring something like this up, she gets defensive and the conversation leaves me feeling stupid for bringing it up.

Once, I withdrew a bit and my tone changed (on messenger) ... it must have been extreme (BPD) because she instantly sensed it and called me out on it ... again making me feel like a jackass. Because, normally, I'm really expressive and emotional with her (my normal self).

To make things worse, I once got drunk and sent her a long email saying that I don't deserve her and that she probably doesn't want me (when the truth is that I don't want to be treated like she treats me). So, she also uses that as ammunition against me - I'm emotionally unstable.

I don't want to cut her out completely because I really enjoy the little time I spend with her, she's a good person at heart, and I know she's not doing this to me out of malice, but I also don't want to have a relationship with someone on instant messenger or be someone's rest stop.

Help ! And thanks for reading this book.