Yesterday I went to see my sister in law to go have dinner. She's been inviting me to go out for weeks but I just haven't had the energy. She invited her friend, who is bubbly and happy like her. Talking to them was exhausting, and I think that's why I feel so low today. I couldn't help but wonder: will I ever be that happy? And for how long? Sometimes I look at her and feel horribly guilty that my parents have an idiot like me for a daughter.

I just wish that somehow I could figure out what to DO. I feel paralyzed in this inaction.