I guess you might say that I feel very much the same way. Lately I have been asking myself, "where is all of this (my life) going?" As I stated in an earlier post, I feel like there's a lot to dread in the future for me and nothing to look forward to.


There are times when I feel great when nothing really good has happened. And I don't know why. But it's a nice feeling when I can cherish it. And then I hear about something bad. Especially hearing about something awful that happened to someone else. I can be thankful that it didn't happen to me, but I figured that something that bad could happen to me. If I were to be thankful that something bad happened to someone else instead of me, then I would feel like an insensitive claud.


When I feel good, then I wonder when will the bad feelings happen, or when will something bad happen. I feel like I am not supposed to feel good because it's wrong to feel that way! I wonder where that came from? Maybe from my late parents. When I was feeling really good then they would come up with something that would make me feel bad. I think that my late father struggled with depression a lot. I think that my brothers and sister have it; even though they will not admit it.