Oh, what is going on?!.... One would think I'd be WAY, way past this by now!! what is wrong with me?!

*****this may trigger some-- it deals with guns and childhood..........*******


Held at gunpoint when I was 8, by a teen, for 4 hours..... he said things like, I'd never see my home again.... asked if I wondered what it would be like to be dead.....-- sometimes with the gun in my back , sometimes the gun was at my neck..... I thought back through my eight years in my head, and felt sad I might never see my "snickers" again(the family mutt).... after it was all over, I was to NEVER talk about it-- it was just a ridiculous thing that a kid did to another kid.....

I never talked about it...... until in my mid thirties..... then having children the same age it was back -- somehow-- it came back-- all of it....

last November my son was robbed at gunpoint while pumping gas-- they took his birthday money he'd just gotten.

Seeing those images of the gunman in Virginia talking to the camera with his cold eyes and no emotion-- somehow I was back there with that teen-- 8 years old again!

just got a call from the District Attorneys office--- the thug that robbed my son wouldn't take the plea bargain..... so the DA wants to know if we want to go through prosecuting this worm.......

I find I struggle to keep a straight thoguht on this..... I don't know WHAT to do! some would say-- "Well of course-- this is easy-- prosecute him"!!! but for me-- it's not that simple--- as those feelings of guns pushed into chests, backs and necks..... what if this thug then seeks to retaliate against my son!!

Oh, I've been sick to my stomach and losing my thoguhts...... I wonder if I am just weak as I thought I was past all of it... but it seems to have found me again.

I was just wondering if...... well...... if someone can tell me that I'm not going crazy-- that perhaps these feelings and confusion are understandable??....

I think I might be disintegrating..........

mandy