As I try to learn who I am and how I "really" identify, I'm realizing something weird.

I definitely feel more male than female. But the more I think about it, the more I understand that feel like I'm really more of a boy or teen "inside". I mean I know that often how old a person feels doesn't correspond to their biological age , but this is so strange to me. I'm a 38 y/o female-bodied person. How is it I got "stuck" at such a young age? I think that this is one of the reasons that I don't want to fully transition to a man's body. Or why the idea of having facial hair just freaks me out.

I know there's nothing wrong or too unusual about feeling this way, I'm just seeing that I will never ever be able to reconcile these different aspects of myself. I'm also wondering if my "inner boy" will grow up someday?