Everything you have posted about your T is a mass of contradictions. So either she is unstable, and perhaps incompetent, or your perceptions as you describe her are mistaken. No one can know which it is. But Ts choose their words carefully. It isn't even "normal" in my experience for anyone in my life to add a qualifier about dying to their statements. Serious denial about counter transference or anything else is yet another sign of instability and/or incompetence. I understand the impulse to defend your T, but I've never seen you post anything about your T that isn't problematic.