I can relate to just not trusting yourself after psychosis. After my first run with psychosis I thought it wasn't that big of a deal because it was mania induced by SSRI. So I thought if I just stayed away from SSRI I would be fine. Plus that psychosis wasn't that bad - I thought that someone or something was implanting thoughts in my head, but that was all.

But then in April I had a real psychotic break. Thought people could read my mind and wanted me dead, etc. and that was all on my own, no SSRI. Just my regular medication trileptal. Everything has changed since then. I don't trust my own brain not to bring me back there. I've had brief moments in times of high stress since then where I've had thoughts that I've doubted could be real (like the television sending me messages). It's unnerving knowing my own brain can and will turn on me. And right now I'm so scared of it happening again I will do anything to keep it away. I'm worried about the pain the invega injection is causing me but I'm too afraid to tell my pdoc because I'm too afraid to be taken off of it.

Everything has changed now. I know how sick I can get and it isn't pretty. I don't want to go back there. So I understand what you mean. Thankfully I have a good support system and I can tell people when I'm having weird thoughts so they can reality check me.