I wish I could help ease that suffering some... but I can also relate to the way you are feeling. I'm there a whole lot of the time.

Outside of death, is there anything, no matter how "outlandish" is may be, that you think might help you? Maybe someone to sit with you, and really hear what's wrong, some way to ease all that pain to make it more bearable? Maybe having someone just be there while youa re breaking down and not try to stop it, but not let it get too bad? a hug? a pony? a way to release the tension? Something you secretly wish you could get that you think would make thigns better, but it feels foolish to say or ask for? (again, other than death)