first, i think it's important to note that needing attention and seeking attention aren't bad. we need attention. we're born needing attention. we're designed to be in relationships - how that looks for each person maybe different (romantic or not, lots of friends or a few), but we need to be seen and heard.

second, i would argue that self-pitying can go hand in hand with depression. depression can make it difficult for us to do much and can twist our perceptions, this can lead to self-pitying behavior.

i would say that attention seeking in the negative sense is born out of ineffective coping skills and possibly an inability to articulate what we need. after years of therapy, now i know what i need and i state it as such. i pick up the phone and i call my best friend and i tell her, "i don't need advice, i just need you to hear me while i talk about how horrible i feel right now" or i tell my husband, "can you just hold me and tell me it's going to be okay?" or "i'm overwhelmed, i need to lie down, go for a walk, get out of the house, can we work this out?"

before i might have started an argument, SI, planned my suicide. i still deal with urges like that but now i have the means to cope *effectively* with my depression.

and taking a minute to self-pity isn't always bad. sometimes we just need to pull in and throw a mini-tantrum about how sucky things are, but it turns ineffective when we start making things to be catastrophic or speaking in absolutes (again, i do think it's a means of coping, just an ineffective one).