Hi! I'm new here. I'm a 38 yo happily married woman with two kids. History of depression and eating disorders. This year I was diagnosed bipolar 2 which explained a lot! I have been stable on meds for about 9 months. before this I never knew I had hypomania- just thought I had really wide mood swings. Anyway, since I have been "normal" for so long I knew something was up with me. A few weeks ago I started wanting to socialize more, drink more, ordered stuff to redo kitchen and knocked down a wall...oh, and started an affair with my manager (and all my family works there). This is not the first time I have had texting, flirting relationships- usually they have started when I am drunk.(does mania urge me to drink or does drinking urge me towards mania?) I rarely drink otherwise. This one I was just manic and couldn't quit contacting him. Then I calmed down and told him this was ending. Then today I started it back up- I have been up all day after a few days of being kind of out of it and drugged feeling. For the past 3 weeks I have felt different every day. I have seen my psych and see a new therapist this week.

WHY do I keep risking my happy life with these stupid guys??? Last week I even cut myself over the hate I had towards myself for doing this - I hadn't cut in 20 years!

How do I stop? I just feel like I am on a roller coaster and then I wonder if all my reading of message boards is making me worse by having myself focusing on it.

So, why do I keep risking my job, my family, my life, for this stupid impulsive stuff. I love my husband and my life- him and I still have fun together and my home life is very stable.

300mg wellbutrin
150mg lamictal
.5 xanx
40mg prozac