I had a dream last night that I was back in high school. In the dream, I was in a class, I got extremely angry about something, and I threw a stack of papers at the teacher. I stormed out, looking for the school counselor. His office was shut and locked, and I said, "of course, you're never there when I need you." Then I saw him down the hall, went to him, and explained what happened. I was given some calming medication (twice), and when I had regained my composure, I found the teacher and apologized, but she yelled at me some more. That upset me. Some time passed, and I went to another class with another teacher. I kept looking around the room wondering if any of my classmates knew about me and my secret (the bpd). The teacher kept looking at me pitifully, and at the end of class, he gave a short presentation about borderline personality disorder. The other students in the class knew it was about me and kept glancing around at me (I was in the back of the room).

For whatever reason, I couldn't shake this dream when I woke up this morning. There's nothing particularly striking about it. I've never felt ashamed of having BPD, but the dream would suggest a certain level of shame. I guess I'm ashamed of some of my actions that are symptomatic of BPD. And the anger. I've had countless dreams in which I fly into a rage. There's not much of a point to this. I just wanted to get it out.