Hey there, I understand these thoughts and questions you have in your mind very well. First off, I don't think you're a *****, AT ALL. You seem like a nice compassionate, intelligent, and funny person, from your posts on this forum.

You yourself mentioned that you don't intentionally hurt people. Now, if your actions cause some ignorant people to think that you are some sort of BPD poster child and that you're doing it intentionally and that all borderlines are manipulative, that's THEIR conclusion, their fault, not yours. I think they have no ducking idea what they're talking about.

Please don't beat yourself up like this. We all have hurt people at one time or another, and I'm sure that most of those times, none of us intended to do so. I think the only way for any human being to NEVER HURT ANYONE ELSE is to lock themselves up in a remote corner in Antarctica.

This illness can be really hard on us and on people around us. That doesn't mean you're a malicious person.

Big hugs. Now, please go give yourself a treat