I have a complicated romantic relationship. She hates the labels "boyfriend" and "girlfriend", so I hesitate to call us that, but in society's eyes, I imagine that's how we'd be classified.

Anyway, it's complicated for a whole host of reasons, so this'll be a bit long, but I'll try to focus on the most important items.

It's a very long distance relationship--we live on different continents. She doesn't really want to visit the U.S., where I live. It doesn't really interest her, and the process perturbs her. In order to visit, she would need a tourist visa. One part of the visa approval process is an appointment/interview. She would have to pay a fee just to have the appointment. If they deny her, she then has to pay again in order to try again. The appointment would also be in another city, so she would incur travel expenses and of course have to devote some time to the process. Since she lacks a full-time job and her own property, she thinks a denial is inevitable. However, she says she's willing to apply for the visa and try to visit her because she knows it's important to me (which I've said).

She says she loves me, but getting her to apply for a visa felt like pulling teeth. Moreover, I visited recently in the hopes of helping her with the process. I was unable to do so because she had yet to acquire her passport. She had ordered it, but hadn't paid for it--her mom was supposed to and finally did so right before I left.

Conversely, she is sexually frustrated with me. She's said before that I'm "selfish". After a longer talk, however, she's admitted that no one turns her on like I do. It's just that I don't do a good enough job of satisfying during sex and after I've finished (as I normally do first). This is largely due to my inexperience.

There are various small things we do that bother each other--she's sensitive about her weight and her hair, I slurp my coffee, that sort of thing. But despite all these things (the little and the big), we agreed we want to marry each other. I bought her a "pre-engagement" ring. Basically, a ring that stands for our commitment to making the relationship work, with the promise of one day properly getting engaged and married.

Sunday, not even a week after I was gone, she got a tattoo. This is her first tattoo. We've talked before, and very recently, that I don't like tattoos. I don't and didn't want her to get one. However, I've freely admitted that it's not really my decision--it's her body, her time, her money (though her sister actually paid for this one). She wants to get at least two more, and they bother me more because of where they would be located and how big they would be.

If the relationship is to work, there are many things I would have to change. I would have to quit some bad habits, the slurping and the occasional nail-biting come to mind. I would have to be less selfish in the bedroom. I would have to finish learning the language of her country. I would likely have to relocate to her country--which would involve me possibly getting a new job, definitely getting a new car and house, and being thousands of miles from my family. I would likely have to change much of my wardrobe and/or learn how to iron (she doesn't like how my clothes get so wrinkled).

When I visit, she does sacrifice her time, her money, and sometimes takes a pay cut at work due to missed time. She's passed on taking a few exams because I've been there as well--even though I've tried to allow her the time to study.

Overall, though, as I look ahead to the future, to all the changes that may come, I feel like I'm doing my best to put her needs before my own, but also don't really feel like she's doing the same.

I do love her, and she says she loves me. I want this relationship to work, but I don't want to be walked on. What can I do to ease my reservations about the future of this relationship? What might I be able to do to better insure it lasts?