HG -- I am so sorry that you are in such emotional, physical, and spiritual pain.

I hope that you will come to feel that we on the list need you and that you need us. It doesn't matter if you're not Shakespeare -- you articulate things that others are feeling and can't express because of our own breakdowns and slipping. Like the lyrics to the song "Strumming my heart with his fingers"

It doesn't matter than you dropped out of college. Many people who become very successful do, as well as those who just find that it's not their tea. For example, plumbers and electricians go through apprentice programs, develop a technical skill, and make good money peforming valuable service. Our country has oversold college education.

Third, most writers cannot earn a living at it. The pay is pitiful, that's why I got out. They are driving cabs and waiting tables and hoping for their big break, which is about as likely for most of us as winning the lottery.

There are writers who write about their pain, however. IHere are three titles: haven't read any of these books but just remember them from book reviews I've read along the way.


Full Catastrophe Living -- John Kabat Zinn

Comment about book from barnesandnoble.com reader: Scott Osmond (Sosmond@gsfdrill.com), A reviewer, August 13, 2003,
A Must Read For Depressed People
I've been battling depression most of my life since childhood getting worse through adulthood. At 35 years I feel I've finally found a tool that gives me the confidence to keep it at bay in the long term without pills and medications. If you are depressed or anxious, you MUST READ and follow this book and give it a chance. You'll find relief in a fraction of the time you would otherwise by starting Prozac. Also, you need to buy the tapes to go with the book. The book is an important guide as to how to use the tapes

I'm Dancing as Fast as I Can -- Barbara Gordon. Story of her mental breakdown from depression and recovery

His Bright Light: Nick Traina -- Danielle Steel. Her son was a manic-depressive and died at age 19. Her tribute to him.

I stumbled onto a website where people have blogs. There is a monthly membership fee (not much, I think around $5-$6 bucks) BUT you get money back when other subscribers of the list read your posts. It's not much, but it might be nice, if you can afford, to get that affirmation of knowing that others are reading your work.

If you are interested in blogging, there is at least one person on this list who is doing it and may know about it than I.

Venting is good for us, and we on this list are good listeners, I think.

As for people believing you are worse off than the rest of us, personally, I never got that subtext out of anything I've read here, but maybe there are posts from before when I came on that say that.

Depression and pain is a great equalizer. We all hurt no matter what our material situation. I fear being in a situation of physical helplessness, and I think most of us do. There's a sense that we can fix joblessness or needing a home or a spouse or more friends or being able to experience pleasure again. But one can't fix what happened to you.

Whine away, my dear, and we will hug you and love you. You are part of the Depression Forum family.

So I hope you will be back, Shelley. I value your contributions.