Two years ago I stopped cutting myself and promised to never do it again. Today I broke that promise and I'm too scared to tell them.

My best friend had nightmares last night. I'm supposed to always be there for her, but I wasn't. I wouldn't wake up when she needed me, and when I said I'd go see her today I had stupidly forgotten I had prior plans and had to cancel. I was an awful friend. Her boyfriend ended up taking public transportation for two hours because I wasn't there for her. I wasn't there for my best friend. And the guilt is ravaging me. I finished my plans as fast as I could to try and see her anyway, but she was mad at me, and I can't blame her. I ended up chain smoking in my car and cutting up my arm pretty bad. I guess I could never bring myself to commit suicide, but I still think about it a lot. Especially in times like this, where I feel like all I do is bring people down. And that just by complaining about this when she was the one who needed me makes me really, really selfish and awful. And I hate myself for it.

So... advice, comfort, anything would be nice.