So to start off with, I am physically disabled and my dad especially does a lot for me. I can't walk and can get injured easily if not handled properly. He helps me with medical, financial, school, and basically is my aide/friend and is with me 24/7.

Problem is our relationship has been going severely downhill since the middle of high school when I was applying for college. While he was helping me with writing my applications, I would get really stressed and sore physically and would start to have trouble communicating my thoughts. My thoughts would get jumbled or, sometimes, I would be thinking in so many different directions that I would leave out part of the thoughts I was trying to convey and it would end up sounding completely illogical. He'd get mad and say I wasn't concentrating or that I was being stupid. During one argument he even went so far as to say I didn't deserve to go to college. Course he was doing a lot at the time just so I could get the tuition and accommodations to go to college, so while I felt really down with his arguments I just assumed he was mad and would get over feeling this way toward me.

But it got worse in college. I would inevitably screw up on not planning my schedule with him or turning in housing forms later then he liked. But most of the time when we get into a fight it's over the stupidest stuff, like me giving him the wrong information or not making sense when I say something or making him "ask 20 questions" to get answers out of me. This doesn't happen all of the time but I guess a large argument might happen at least once every 2 months if not every month. I know I'm partly to blame for the conflict, but I also feel absolutely terrified and paranoid of screwing up and upsetting him. It's to the point that doing almost any kind of work makes me feel sick to do and that I avoid doing things because I'm afraid of getting in trouble. I also hide a lot more from him now I don't trust telling him. If I say I am sad about stuff he sympathizes at the time but then uses it against me in an argument saying I'm being self centered and thinking to much about my ego. Or I will say how I love a movie or tv show and he turns it around in an argument so that X show is the cause of me procrastinating or not doing my work. He may be right but it seems a little convenient to say one thing caused me to procrastinate and anyways now I feel like I have to hide any interests that aren't purely academic or that I know he'll approve of.

To give you all some more background, my mom has ADHD and depression and my dad has a lot of health issues like diabetes and insomnia that makes it so he is sick and feels unwell a lot. When he argues with someone it really screws him up big time, like screwing up his sleep schedule, giving him a bad cold for a month, and sometimes making him feel like he'll have a heart attack. Also my parents have fought a lot in the past but their relationship seems to be better recently. I love my dad a lot and get really upset when I hurt him (through arguments). He's actually my best friend when we're not fighting and says things praising me then. I used to never actively fight back in arguments (I wasn't trying to argue and felt bad for messing up- he would still think I'm arguing though). But lately he keeps saying stuff like comparing me to my mom ( in a negative way) or saying I'm evil for hurting him, and that I don't care about him. This pushes me over the edge to where I really DO want to fight with him and I'll yell back. But of course he always wins because eventually I'm afraid of him being so mad and me not being able to move well. You just don't want to risk pushing people past a certain point. I always regret it when I do sometimes argue back ( on purpose) but I do it because I'm feeling more and more trapped and helpless. What he says to me (true or not I don't know ) hurts to hear and I don't know how to stop messing up. It's at the point that I feel less and less interested in academic things I think maybe because I'm afraid of failing and I'm worried he's right about me being stupid or crazy. I DO forget things really easily like names and dates and I also do mix up what I want to say a lot.

Is there something wrong with me? Do I have a mental problem like my mom? Or is my dad wrong in saying these things? I think he is trying to prepare me for dealing with all the problems I will need to in the adult world, but I'm worried that it's making it more hard for me to deal with things because the more he gives up on me in his arguments the more I feel less capable and just want to run away from problems.