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Occasional Tilter
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Member Since Aug 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 7
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Default Aug 19, 2014 at 06:44 AM
 
Hi, The problem I have is not an easy one to resolve but it should be one that could be controlled. I'm a recoverer from a psychotic break who's had on/off good results but for the last 4 months has had mostly great results and has found a very positive outlook. But I've noticed that I am always antsy, unsettled, very, very, and exceedingly aware. I've come to terms that this is a manifestation of stress but I do not know for sure from where this stress originates; the thing is I've been like this my entire life except for one very brief period. And I never act on this stress or uneasiness as I always show outward signs of calm. Only recently will I express frustration (privately) and once in a while I'll sort of fling my arm in a, "To hell with it" sort of way. But I am never angered and rarely feel truly sad...just frustrated. I know some of this comes from my living situation, small home, house just short of being dilapidated, the people I live with (one of whom I've come to recognize as one of those negative-types though strangely enough they are one of the few people I can talk with without feeling edgy, if I keep it brief) Even when I talk to people I get that feeling. There are maybe a handful of people I can talk to without feeling such. I don't know if it's a bad vibes thing or what...Even when I talk to strangers in the most innocuous of ways I get anxious. (believe me I have a hard time answering someone when they ask, "How are you?" It's really nuts!) So my real question is, How can I work on making myself relaxed? I've done deep breathing which worked for awhile though I may be rushing it now. Not thinking so much about what others think of me (which is much, much improved even just recently!) Reading while sitting in the park is something I've started recently and it's been great if only for that moment. Listening to music helps, any kind, as does playing an instrument, writing, anything that lets me be creative. It is only that I can't do these constantly enough without feeling at odds with the work. Also, I'm an ascetic. Not like a monk or anything but I've come close. It's a natural inclination. I appreciate any advice! I do still smile and laugh so it cannot be that severe, but it is pretty troubling Thanks! Sorry for the long post
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