Quote:
Originally Posted by widgets
After the stigma of BPD thread and another recent thread about a similar topic.. I posted a thread about not being perfect.
It's still playing on my mind though.
And i am wondering if how I felt about those threads caused me to feel so defensive because am actually wondering whether I am actually one of those awful people with BPD that is causing all the stigma..
I can be horrible, but I can only ever see it with hindsight. I find it so hard not to justify my bad behaviour. And my worst behaviour? I blame bpd for it.
What if I am just a *****? And the pain I am in and BPD is just a punishment or a result of being a *****.
I'm not a sociopath, i really do have feelings and care deeply about others and I don't intentionally Want to hurt people. And i want world peace, it sounds cheesy but if I had one wish I would wish to end human suffering.
I have hurt people though, and i have been manipulative and I have done bad things. Not violent or aggressive things.
I hate to admit this, i don't want people to know, it's my secret, i try to paint myself in a positive light.
I am not saying that BPD makes me a horrible person, i am saying I have BPD and separately to That i am not always a nice person.
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I can totally relate. I have some self-loathing regarding some of the things I have said and done to people.
One of the best things that happened to me lately was that a T I have dealt with for many years, one that I had "messed with" and said nasty things to... said to me that people with BPD are basically good people underneath.. That they had terrible things done to them, and developed some problematic traits, but that they were and are good people.
And along with the bad I have done, I do see the good, also.
I suspect it's the same way with people who don't have a PD. They do good things and bad things....
And those of us who admit our faults and are making attempts to change, are to be commended.