I just wrote a really long response but my phone froze and I lost it!!!

I wanted to say thank you lilodian4ever for your kind words and thoughtful response and to everyone who has responded, i see i am not the only one else with this conflict.

I think back to a few points in my life where mental health professionals have said some irresponsible and maybe downright thoughtless things.

A mental health nurse in the crisis team once told me she didn't think I had BPD as I seemed nice.
Part of me wanted to tell her how discriminatory she was being and with that attitude people in crisis weren't likely to want to be nice to her and had she not read the basics about bpd sufferers being joyful and loving and kind and empathetic. And that if someone with bpd was in crisis they clearly, like anyone,
Were in awful pain.
Instead though I thought maybe I had tricked her into thinking I was nice.

Also I had a therapist once who couldn't understand my negative view of myself, I told her she didn't understand and that i was a truly disgusting person, she said that this was all in my head and the depression was making me feel like this. I needed to make her see who i really was, so I told her everything Bad thing I had ever done, every time I had manipulated someone, how I deserved everything bad that had ever happened to me.
She didn't confirm that yes actually I was just awful, she explained to me how I had developed coping mechanisms from the past and quoted some Marshall Lineham about how I am not strictly attention seeking I am just trying to find love and nurture in the only way I know.
Within weeks my diagnosis was changed from bipolar to bpd.

I am so confused right now I am just going round in circles, maybe it's the black and white thinking, I feel like I have to be either good or bad, i cant get my head around being both.