Thank you for the responses.
I just wonder if our friendship was ever what i thought it was. I was always the one seeking her companionship, not vice versa, though I thought she wanted to spend time with me. I guess it's irrelevant now. The one thing I'm having trouble with now is boundaries.
I can respect her need to move away from me, but sometimes it feels like she doesn't respect what that requires. For instance, only last year when I visited her after a long hiatus, and was looking forward to hanging out no strings attached, she pressured me to pose for some artistic photographs, in a way that made me uncomfortable. I did it because she made me doubt my own maturity (come on...it'll be nothing) but I still did not like the way I looked in the photos, and when she put them online for her resume/website, I had to fight her to get them down.
She seems to figure that because we are "friends" she can ask me to do whatever she wants and I'll do it. Another instance, also about a year ago, I had started a job at a busy restaurant, and was trying to make a good impression so I made myself available to work. My friend then texts me out of the blue, after a while of little contact, asking if I would like to go on a double blind date with her, her bf, and a man I had never met.
I was unsure at first, I'm shy & thought a double date might make the blind date even more nerve wracking/awkward. But I then said okay to the date, thinking it'd be good to step out of my comfort zone. This was a bit over a week in advance.
A day or two later, I found out my schedule was filled at the new job, and I couldn't go on the date unless I got someone to cover me. I preferred to work and prove my consistency early in the job. I told my friend as soon as I found out.
Her reaction crossed a line. She was furious. She said I could not refuse once I had accepted, and that she would be embarrassed to tell the guy that I couldn't come. I responded that as I had never met him, I doubt he would be upset, and also that I would personally apologize if she gave me his number. He was fine.
She, on the other hand was not. We had such a huge argument, and a lot of it happened in texts on my break at work (I was working a lot), so there was little room for mistakes. She didn't seem to accept that I wanted to do well at my job, and that it wasn't an insult to her. She had a whole week to change plans!
Honestly, I don't think she believes she was wrong. She finally apologized to me, but I think she still thinks this behavior was ok.
We have a history of her guilt-tripping me into doing things, I just never thought it was dangerous because mostly it was in order to get me to do adventurous things.
Since then we haven't seen much of each other though, and maybe she's grown out of it, or realized I won't accept that kind of behavior...