Hi,

I haven't posted here in a long time. I send good wishes to everyone here and have been thinking of you.

I have been through a lot in the past 6 months or so. I am seeing a new therapist and am trying to get adjusted to that. There are some good things about it, like the fact I can reach his office on public transit (I don't have a car) and he's been kind about being flexible about his fees. I think in some ways, we are still getting to know one another. It isn't as good of a match as it was with the counselor I used to see, which is hard, but I don't think that is going to happen again. It is hard; I still miss that counselor a good bit. I wish I didn't and was somehow free of feeling that I missed that working relationship. It was such a good personality match. I think that was a one-time thing.

But I digress.

I have had really difficult problems with severe depression and suicidal thoughts/urges in the past six months or so. I've been in the hospital twice this winter, for pretty long visits. We've tried a lot of treatments and medications and nothing has really seemed helpful so far. It's been an awfully hard time. The psychologist I see now has very specific ideas on what is okay and isn't okay in terms of contact when people are having difficulties. Some counselors/therapists are okay if people call or send email when they are having crises, and some think this is a bad idea within the counseling relationship, I guess. The therapist I see now is the sort of therapist who believes in having contact only within a planned appointment. When I have brought up the question of what to do if there is an urgent problem, it seems like he dodges the question, or says to I should take myself to the hospital again. By now, I don't have enough money to go to the hospital again, and I also have come to realize there isn't anything they can do to help....they've done all they could. It would be pointless to go back to the hospital. It seems like there aren't a lot of options when things are going badly. I keep trying and trying to come up with alternative ways to handle it when there are emergencies, and I'm getting stumped about what to do. I want to be respectful of the psychologist's desires for boundaries/contact/etc., and at the same time, at least in my case, this doesn't seem to be a safe way to work. At least right now. I am trying to think of what else to do. I'm not having very good ideas right now.

I'm wondering if other people have run into these sorts of issues, and how they worked them out.

I sure wish that other things had worked, like the various antidepressant medications over the past 15 years or so, and other treatments I tried when I was in the hospital. Maybe it wouldn't be like this now. I really don't know what to do to make the situation better. I feel stumped about this.

Sorry if this is wrong to post here or something. Maybe someone else has ideas for how they have dealt with a similar situation, if they've been in one. Thanks for listening.

Take care,
ErinBear