So I have a longish commute, and I get off work before friends and family (so I can't really call anybody).

It's usually on my longish commutes that I get super intense thooughts about hurting/killing myself.

For some reason, the other day, it occurred to me that the reason that trying to replace those thoughts with "something else" never works is that "something else" is usually something boring or soothing. It never works.

It's like I need to replace it with something equally intense.

So of course, my first thought/suggestion is SEX!! Hot, steamy, swinging from the rafters SEX.

But I don't think that will work. Too many issues with that... recently lost a relationship with someone I cared deeply about. I invariably think about HIM, and then I just start sobbing.

So sex is a no go.

What else is intense like that? Something that won't make me even more upset? T explicitly forbade me from BASE jumping. Boo! But maybe I could still think about it. Just not DO it.

She doesn't seem to think the replacement thought needs to be anything in particular. But I've tried "whatever" topics and they don't hold my attention. The only thing close that I have is snowboarding, but that's too "calming". Needs to be wilder.

Can anyone relate, or does everyone just breathe deeply and think about crocheting... or what?