So, after the issues I had with my anxiety over the weekend, I called my doctor Monday afternoon to try to get a different anti-anxiety med. They never called back. By Monday evening the racing thoughts had changed to "voices" in my head promising me that if I took all my Ativan at once, they'd go away. I got scared, and headed for the ER. Telling them I was afraid I was going to hurt myself lead to 15 hours on psychiatric hold. 9 hours in the waiting room and 6 in a barren white treatment room. I think the doctor at the ER decided I had suicidal ideations caused by a bad reaction to the Ativan. They also upped my Geodon again, and gave me a different anti-anxiety med to carry me over. They did keep me fed and made sure I had water and everything I needed, I was pleasantly surprised that I was actually treated like a person instead of just another crazy. My biggest surprise was that everyone I came into contact with actually thanked me for coming in instead of staying home and doing something stupid. I didn't expect that part. Talked to the doctor, a social worker, the doctor again, before they finally decided not to admit me to inpatient. Instead I start an intensive outpatient program in the morning. And that pdoc that never called me back? Apparently he's only a nurse practitioner and has decided to discontinue my care under him because he feels I "need a higher level of care than he can provide." So now I have to find a new pdoc on top of everything. I'm hoping the outpatient program can help me with that too.

On the upside, my insurance got figured out >.<