You will need to learn how to SPEAK UP and let your needs and desires be KNOWN. This may take some counseling or study on your part to learn how to talk about what you want in a non-threatening, non-shaming and friendly way so that both of you can be on the same page re: your needs and desires in the relationship. Google: relationship skills and get started learning HOW to talk about things with him or anyone. SPEAK UP!

This brings up the #1 and most important element of any relationship: HONESTY & TRUTH! A relationship needs to start with HONESTY and never let it fade. But if it fades away, at least one of the partners needs to learn how to revive the honesty and truth or it's all over! It's not about catching him in lies and deceptions. It's about being totally honest in ever aspect of the relationship so there is never a need to feel cheated, suspicious, mistreated, etc. by an underhanded, sneaky partner. Here again, you may need a counselor to help both of you return to a commitment to 100% HONESTY or learn how in some relationship book. Without honesty and trust, why be together at all?

Now we are at the next most important element after honesty = FRIENDSHIP! There has to be friendship all the way through the relationship and that may mean learning exactly HOW to be a friend. I never knew how so I learned how. It starts by you being the best friend you can and asking or even demanding the same behaviors from him. Open doors, say please and thanks, be affectionate and kind, show empathy, concern, be helpful, NEVER CRITICIZE, have patience, smile, be supportive, and on and on. These are behaviors that many people drop or loose early in a relationship because they either don't know how to stay in the "honey moon mode" or they just get LAZY after the early excitement wares off and they have no idea HOW to stay in love and keep up that loving attitude which can be LEARNED! If you decide to learn these things, you can either teach them to him or drag him off to a counselor who will help him learn these things!

That sounds exaclty like us BUT we are still able and willing to drop everything to be with and embrace each other as beloved friends, not boring pests, because we both know HOW to be lovers when we want or need to be. We are not constantly in each others arms BUT we still kiss passionately, listen to each other, show respect and empathy and many other little relationship skills that we both learned and continue to use. If I sense that I am getting to far away from her, I move back in. And if I notice she is misbehaving with me, we TALK about it until we reach a LOVING solution. It's all about SKILLS!

You would not have to go outside of you marriage IF you learned HOW to sit down with your partner and TALK about things with the focus on finding solutions rather than complain and wait for the other person to solve it all. You have to be able to clearly and intelligently state what you want and HOW you want it to get done. This is not about making demands or threats. It's about intelligent and LOVING compromise or negotiation so you both reach happy agreements instead of a silent stalemate like you have now.

This is because neither of you know how to get past the initial resistance and walls to have a deep and significant discussion and that takes skills which many people do not have. When you reach a gap or wall in a conversation, you have to know HOW to go around, over or under the blockade to get further and deeper into the discussion. You have to know what questions to ask and how to deal with stubbornness, defiance, resistance, animosity, anger, silence, jokes, ridicule, double-talk, smoke screens, hitting below the belt, bald face lies and a lot of other "tricks" that an insincere or dishonest partner might throw at you or you at them. This is when a therapist can help to keep the partners on point and HONEST. If both people enter a discussion with the same love and respect as they had from the beginning, it should be possible to arrive at some kinds of happy mutual agreements and behaviors with each other. It might even be possible to regain the love, excitement, joy, thrill and FUN that was there in the very beginning because, there is no reason at all for ever loosing those thrilling feelings at all except that people just don't know HOW to keep them.
My wife and I had to dump our first partners because they absolutely REFUSED to change for the good and we began our relationship with HONESTY & FRIENDSHIP - which was never in our first marriages. I had trouble being honest but I learned the skills and WORKED at it. Our marriage has lasted 22 happy, wonderful, pleasant, friendly, sexy, exciting and LOVING years all because we bothered to learn what we did not know before and actually USE, on a daily basis, the few simple skills and techniques of a good relationship. We did not need a counselor, just some books and our own previously bad marriages for examples and training. We have had a few down time but always pull through with honest, loving and intelligent talks and revived commitments to the principles of good relationship skills and I see no reason why others cannot do the same - IF THEY REALLY, REALLY, REALLY WANT TO.
You can start the ball rolling by getting some relationship books or google: relationship skills and then gently introduce him to what you are learning!
good luck learning how to be happy,
jim