I'm just have enough to be rejected by my mom, this is not the first time she hurt me by her words.. I know I am an APD, my mom don't know it.. Last time I arguing with my mom, she told me "I'll lonely for my entire life, if I'm just steady with these life style.."
Did she know how hard I am to just speak with people, I'm always watch their face and lips, to make sure there's nothing weird about me.. Did she know that every time I want to chat with my friends, I always think am I bothering them or not, is they in a good mood to chat with me, what topic is need to chat with them.. I have many reasons just for chat with them..
I'm not lonely, I have few friends, they're all close friends, and I'm happy to have them..
The major college she choose for me made me know what depression like..
She's the dominant one in home..
She always want to win over everything, she always yelling when talk, she doesn't want to hear my opinion, if we're argue and then I silent just to let it go but she always force me to talk..
She never praise me even once since I'm a kid.. I'm trying hard to do everything she want, I choose major in college and senior high school which she want, she can crochet I learn how to crochet, she can paint I try learn it, she can sewing I learn it too, even when I win 2nd winner arithmetic competition she doesn't praise me..
And it become worse when I'm just come back to home for almost a year, and we have 4 or 5 fighting..
It's just my assumption, that maybe my mom is part of reason why I have APD..