I've been self exiled for 3 days now. I have to go to the main house, bathe, eat and will have to interact with my sister n law and niece. I feel nervous.

I am grateful to be here. It's that they watch me like a hawk, well, literally they have a pair of binoculars they watch throughout the neighborhood, people etc. I can always tell when they've been "discussing" me as my niece is very childlike and she'll look at her mom and smile and raise her eyebrows "knowingly"

I understand she's very ill and much she can't control however, I know at least towards me and how she treats her father is due to her Mother's rigid religious beliefs and herself a bullying personality. I truly to have compassion for them, and certainly have learned much during the time I've been here. It has also been very hard on me as well and added tremendously to not only my physical pain but mental emotional.

Every time I think about getting up, going to the house, I have anxiety pangs in my chest, I feel hot. And then I feel tears come up.

I carry so much inside, I am committed to helping me release, as I am able.