Thank you for your feedback, it's funny you mention it. Along with my BP dx they said I also met critieria for "alcohol abuse," so alcohol has been weighing heavily on my mind lately. Alcohol and I have a longstanding relationship. See, when I was fifteen, my mom couldn't afford my private school anymore, and REFUSED to let me go to public school, convinced beyond reason that something bad would happen to me and that I would become "brainwashed by evolution" (she was fanatically religious at times... 99% she's non-dx'd BP). BUT, unbelievably, she would buy me liquor and cigarettes anytime I wanted. So I began drinking to numb everything. I wanted to do anything but feel. This continued until age eighteen, when I finally had my freedom (sort of, anyway).

I definitely do not drink anywhere near as much as I used to. There were periods of time in my adulthood, maybe between 23–25 years of age, where I drank almost every day, for perhaps about two years. Then I barely drank for years, only at the occasional social occasion, maybe one or two. I've done a lot of stupid things drunk, and I'm just lucky I never hurt myself or anyone else. Nowadays at 29, I drink not even on average once a month, though when I drink, I do binge drink. My pdoc suggested I limit myself to two. Problem is, I LIKE being drunk. Can't lie.

The alcohol-related mixed episode I so far experienced was also SSRI-induced, so I think the interactions between them made it even more out of control. But I can see how a far-too-drunken episode could quickly turn into a manic or mixed episode. I really feel I'm at a crossroads here: giving up alcohol, something that has been more pleasure than pain, thankfully. I don't know if I'm ready to give it up completely, but I'm willing to try to scale it back. Learning how to have a good time without being drunk. Baby steps.