I had to feel pain. I had to see blood. I had to get as much blood out as possible. I needed to try and calm down. I was so on edge. I was about to do something far worse. And I had to try this so that I could hold back. I had to hurt myself to stay alive.

But there will never be enough blood. There will never be enough pain. It hasn't helped. I am still stuck on the edge, about to fall off. I don't think this was enough to save me. Not today.