You know I had a pdoc who was, in effect hurting me. His boss, the person who ran the clinic looked me in the eye one day and said "Look Samantha, you CAN FIRE HIM! Just say the word and we will schedule you with another one on staff, or if you'd prefer, help you find another. We want you to feel better, to get the help you need, not be boxed in by someone else. Just tell me what you want."

And that, as they say was that. I have a new pdoc, he's a very different guy, and he's made a difference. You have to be your own advocate, remember your doctor works for you! Doesn't matter if you can cry or not, if the pain level is still that high, he's not helping you.

I KNOW how that pain feels. I know what it is like when it gets worse. I also remember with frightening clarity how it FELT when it got better and what had changed in my life in two weeks time. All the elements in my life that were killing me were still there, exactly the same, HOW I FELT about them however had changed and that scared the crap out of me.

I'm a Stargate SG1 fan. There is an episode called "The Light" in which Daniel Jackson is at the edge and ready to jump when Jack pulls him back. His best friend touches his heart, his mind just enough to pull him back and have him see what he was just about to do. The first I saw it after getting on decent meds I freaked out and cried for about an hour, because I knew what that was like.

Please, please, don't let anyone tell you that there is anything shameful or broken about being depressed. Depression is a medical condition that CAN BE TREATED! Left untreated it can take lives, nearly took mine, and it doesn't have to! DO NOT let anyone stand between you and getting help you need with a medical condition, not even your parents, there is no reason to suffer. Something else you may find interesting to know, depression is (or can be) a genetically inherited medical condition, and explains why there is such a stigma around it. Other people think, well I survived it, you can just buck up and deal with it too. Well it doesn't work that way.

((((((((moonkin))))))))