Hi donaquixote,

Thanks, I try not to get too worked up about them and try to accept them and enjoy their company. But sometimes I do get down about it. There seems to be a sadness in my mother's eyes, even when she is smiling at my children. Ditto for my brother.

My son is just going to have a few friends sleep over and we also do a separate little family party. As they get older, the parties do become more low key, which is a relief! My younger one is still at the big party stage and it gets a little crazy sometimes.

What a great story about your friend's brother, thanks for sharing it! I guess my brother has some interests other than his favorite tv shows too. He has always been into trivia and does really well at games like trivial pursuit and jeopardy. He loves to playing these games with our family. It would be great if this interest could be applied in the same manner as your friend's brother. I agree with you about encouragement, I know it helps when my kids are nervous about something. I always tell them to believe in themselves and not to give up if they want to succeed at something. My brother seems to give up on so much without even trying. He needs to feel encouraged and confident enough to try things. But he also has to have some determination from within, which he does not seem to have. Of course I hope that changes. But I think he really needs some tough love from our parents to push him this way, which is out of my hands.

As far as doing things with just my mother, I have tried numerous times. But my brother always comes along and I don't know how to prevent that. For example, I have invited to take my mother out to lunch and when I get to her house, she cheerfully announces that my brother will be joining us. So what can I say, especially with my brother right there? And ofcourse when she wants to visit me, he has to drive her. I can't even get a private conversation with her without my brother joining in. My husband will try to steer him to hang with him and my dad in another room, but he does not stay with them and tends to stay by my side. It is frustrating, but how can I tell him to go away without hurting his feelings?

He does the same thing with my sister. When she used to live there, she used to catch him listening to her phone conversations. It is like because he does not have anything going on in his own life, he wants to get so involved in our lives. He wants to know about every little thing in all of our lives, but shares none of his own life. I know this may sound harsh but sometimes I feel like he is sucking the life right out of me. It would be so nice to hear about his life just once in a while.

One thing that I find really annoying is this. He comes to some of my children's games, which is nice, I know. But as we are sitting in the bleachers he will start asking annoying questions about the other parents there. Things like "do I know any of these people here?" And by "know" he means has he seen them at other sporting events. He does not talk to any of them. First of all I feel uncomfortable talking like this and just try to watch my son's game, and also I don't really remember with all of the different sports both my kids play, who he might of seen before, etc. Besides who cares? So I will quickly answer "no" and focus on the game, giving him clear signs to do the same. But he continues and will then point out that he recognizes one of the mother's and then asks me "wasn't her son on his baseball team last year?" He will then go on to try to point out others I was wrong about also. I keep trying to hush him as I dont' want to talk about the other parents there, even if we are not saying anything bad, it is just weird. You know how you can tell when someone is talking about you. I know I wouldn't like it if I saw someone doing that to me. Other parents sometimes bring along extended family too, but I don't see anybody else doing this sort of thing. They are there to watch their grandchild, nephew etc., play the game, that's it.

I could see if he were trying to make new friends or meet a single lady, that would be great. But first of all they are all married, so he is not looking to date anyone and also since he lives a couple of hours away, he is not looking to meet new friends. I wish he would show this interest in people in his own community, but he does not. I feel he is just invading my space and it makes me very uncomfortable.

I am sorry if I sound very negative especially when you are trying to give me hope. I really do appreciate you sharing the story about your friend's brother and all of your suggestions.