mkat16, I cannot tell you how much I understand (or at the very least empathize) with what you are feeling. I have been racked with a lethal combination of depression and anxiety, my anxiety often manifesting itself in all-consuming insecurity and low self-esteem and jealousy of whoever my partner is at the time. I am so sorry that you are going through this as I know how exhausting and stressful and terrifying it can be. I am also sorry that I have not really figured it out for myself yet either, although it has gotten much better for me over the years so I will say this at least: that while the painful feelings may be there, it IS possible for the way we cope with it to significantly improve, thereby granting you much more peace.